on the morning of tuesday the 21th of march, in the year 2017 i suffered a major heart attack.
7april2017
like i said in some other past blog, i've died many times. whether it's physically ,emotionally, spiritually or whateverly. so what does a heart attack fell like? my assumption would be close to an asthma attack. as a youngster i suffered from. when i say asthma attack, i don't mean slight bronchitis. i'm talking a full on gasping attack.
24april2017
so i was up late doing stuff. stuff like sorting ,categorizing, never ending , life crap that builds up . i cooked this supermarket pizza that was nearly ready for the bin, should of just tossed it out. be warned about eating at night. got to bed about 2am.
25april2017
around 4am, i woke up, sweating like a pig. before that i had this weird dream. some dude broke in with a gun, pistol, i grabbed a bit of wood, and hit the hand holding the gun. then i grab his hand and pointed the gun at him . the gun wouldn't fire, then he kept pointing the gun at my chest at a very close range, that i could feel the gun on my chest. this went on until i woke up. at first i thought the pizza had got stuck somewhere. i thought it was just me , with the heat, but it was unusually hot and humid. i just couldn't lay down.
27april2017
this has got more to do with dreams than heart attacks, which i'll get back to, if i don't have another. i was thinking about that dream and others, i don't really take much from dreams. but an early thing about dreams was the one when falling. they'd reckon if you hit the ground, you'd die. whatever. this made me think about the gun dream. if the gun went off would i have died. i think the mind is a very powerful thing, but some powerful things miss the plot. how many really powerful computers read data at a fast powerful rate, they miss stuff. i once had a weird dream about this seagull. it flew down and grabbed some chips as well as my hand. i was walking around with this seagull on my arm and my hand was being digested. i woke up. i went to bed with a studded wrist band on. it got tight , and annoying maybe cutting the blood flow. i thought strange how the brain thought that.
4may2017
time has moved on a bit, since i wrote about the attack. i knew i had a heart attack, although i thought my lung had collapsed. i just thought go outside and sit down and cool down. that didn't work. i had a cold shower just to cool off, that cooled me off for two minutes. done the drink of water, still no good. then i did a number two (poo), i thought of elvis , how he died on the loo. death shit , i think you shit when you die. i don't think it was my time yet, still got things to do. close but no cigar. i had another quick shower. decided to walk up the hospital about at kilometer away.
15may2017
i haven't been feeling like adding here. i only do this when i feel like it. as time goes on, i forget what the story was. after thinking what to do, i decided to walk rather than making a spectacle with the ambulance. i had a few rests on the way.
17may2017
walking up the hospital, the main pain was the traffic. i thought how much for this hour, traffic that is . i was just taking deep breaths . i had two little rests along the way. got to the hospital emergency okay. a few hanger outers waiting for a fix in the waiting room, i thought, i hate these places. then came question time, a bit of rigmarole with the identity and situation. they could see and hear i wasn't no good. so after the interrogation, i was on the stretcher, being wheeled to surgery.
6june2017
in the surgery as i remember. they shaved a small patch and inserted probably some wire and shit up to my heart. the bloke said i could get a stroke or renal failure from the procedure, great. i was awake during the thing. two stents. 90% blockage in the arteries . i can't really remember that much, now. nothing really much too remember. no real strength anymore. i was in hospital for 4 or 5 days.
11june17
more surgery resurgence , they did give me morphine. this gave me a feeling of going down. what i mean by this , is the feeling of going down in an elevator. maybe it was the reverse of coming up in the elevator. i just wanted to go to sleep. i didn't really get a good nights sleep in my few days there. lots of little broken sleeps. wired up to this bloody beeping heart machine. every time you start to crash out the thing starts beeping.
13june17
during my stay there, i thought a lot about negatives and positives of it all. i was born there, and if i walked there and croaked it. that seemed to be a good way to go, beginning and end sort of thing. i thought about this blog before i started it, if it would end with a heart attack. who knows. i had two other subjects lined up beforehand. ideas can be short in the writing, it's the stretching them out ,too be interesting that's the problem , when there's other shit happening. i meet a few new people there and some old faces.
14june2017
old faces? i remember a while back now , 2000 to be precise. wollongong v perth the powers that be couldn't handle the underdogs winning twice, outcome , it was obvious to me . so, one day i was sitting in the mall and this diehard supporter , came and said, help save the wolves. i just looked at him , thinking this ain't about the game. in 1973-74, me and a friend followed our local team , unanderra hearts, home and away games we went there. our team got real good, even players went to england. 1974 -75 we won it. the power that be, changed the league. i moved on. eventually the local league fizzled out. i lost interest in it all. so, when the diehard said that , i just thought give up. what's this got to do with hospital. for two days i lay there wired up , bored shitless , they had tv ,you had to pay. at first i wasn't interested in tv, then one morning a nurse came for some blood, said there was an attack in england, the parliament house one. i got some dough off a visitor and got the telly on. trying to figure out the controls about 10 o'clock at night. this male nurse comes in , i ask him about the controls. up his head pokes and says you gonna watch the soccer. it was the same diehard supporter, i just thought, fuck me dead. it was like that kid selling hot dogs on the simpsons, never ending. he said he'd come back and help me with the controls. he never did, i didn't watch the soccer some world cup qualifer, australia v someone. no interest. crashed out.
15june17
i thought i'd do a search about the old unanderra hearts 1974-75 story all i could find was this mercury story . after getting out of hospital i went out there and took a few photos , i'll put them up later. after figuring out how to work the tv controls. you got the local garbage and some movie channels, which i found uninteresting. a time a bit before the hospital visit, say a month or so. i read a story about judy garland being molested by the munchkins on the wizard of oz. flicking through the channels i stopped on a channel it was the wizard of oz. i didn't have to wait long for the munchkin scene, it was like i was meant to watch it. probably 5 mins. i thought they had really good voices, then you could see her dress move like someone was under it. i never watched much more before flicking the channel. what i really wanted was a radio. i left my glasses at home. years ago there was a free radio ear plug next to the bed.
16june17
these were taken around the 6th of june 2017 after i got out of hospital, they weren't really meant for this blog.
18june2017
i took this photo as a view of the mountain from a position that i knew, and as how it has changed since i was there last. the position was the old bus stop from high school, i don't know if it's still a bus stop. the actual photo shows unanderra fire station which hasn't change from as long as i can remember. there used to be this very tall telegraph pole out the back. i never knew what the pole was for. i figured out or supposed they hang the hoses out to get all the water out. i'm not sure if it's still there, but if you look to left of that telegraph pole, maybe that's it out the back. they're got all the hoses going to vantage points.
`19june2017
the road has changed since . that used to be two roads and no gutters. one of the roads was called, the mall, as i remember, maybe wrong. to the left of the fire station is wests leagues club, the red devils. it has grown over the years. there used to be a small mall with a few shops and a rental office opened on a certain day of the week to pay the rent, all the housing department tenants.
20june2017
today i went for a journey out to check out a few things about the telegraph pole and the road/s. the telegraph pole is still there, as are the two roads. i made jest of the hoses as if you couldn't figure that one out. i took a few photos . i decided to start a new blog with them photos. with this blog i think you get the picture, that i had a heart attack.
