wayne

20august2014
those couple of usual spy eyes, who read the bit about my cousin in the other blog. i decided to write a bit of a blog about him. i tend to let the dead bury the dead, but with this i'll make some kind of  exception. i think it has an underlining piece of  importance of understanding life and death. his was the last funeral i've attended. it was a strange affair, in that there was no coffin. the service was held at a small chapel at the hospital. things had changed.

23august2014
i'm in a few minds about writing this. probably wayne was the closest  thing i had to a brother, by blood. i had closer friends, even cousins that were more like brothers, but not by blood, blood is thicker than water, like they say. as you may or may not have read it the other blog, i only knew him about 70 times, as if. things like christmas at my grandmothers place, that's about it really. most of my cousins around here are mostly younger than me. i think wayne was born in 1970 , so he was 10 or so years younger than me, 10 years was a long time then, time seemed different.

24august2014
just trying to think when i first meet them. although his old boy, my uncle, was wayward, they were pretty much brought up clean cut, as i remember. i would have seen them on occasional weekends, when i lived at my grandmothers. they were just little kids. i would have gone over to the bush, or gone up the pinny shop. when i moved from there i would have seen them less. i remember one christmas they turned up for christmas lunch dinner thingy tradition at the grandmothers, they would come every year. they used to say jokes and things and make the oldies laugh. the story that year, was wayne had a pet lizard, he took it to school . the teacher confiscated it. he told the teacher , give me back my lizard you bastard. that got a laugh around the dinner table. they still had that clean cut barber shop hairdo though. probably 1977 something like that. i thought how the fuck are these guys gonna fit in. wayne had 2 brothers

25august2014
i never seen them until years later, their old boy got good money in the mines. i think he joined the masons or something, and pretty much turned his back on the family. my old boy had to teach him maths and shit, so he could get a deputy ticket in the mines. it only took him 86 goes at trying, i remember that, among other things. them times i was on the street  , out riding or working or just out. so i didn't know much of home. actually i used to get a lift home with him in 1975 , we worked in the same mine. eventually he got over the mason thing and was back to christmas dinner in the 80's. that's when i seen wayne and his brothers had grown. they sort of made me feel a bit low. here they were talking about jobs this and that, money la la. poor old rob just slogging it out on the railways. and per usual i didn't fit in. i done things though. when i look back , they were fitting in and i was struggling. but if i really look back i chucked it in years before. so who gave a fuck, i never thought about that shit much . i'm just a happy bloke, really. i think them mine guys lost the plot years ago, long before arthur scargill.

 26august2014
i never really had much to do with them. some time around 1989, i think, their mother died of cancer. at the funeral wake thing, the youngest  didn't even know who i was. i hadn't see them in years , and he was young then. after leaving my grandmothers place, in the early seventies , i only went there a few times, other than christmas. i was probably out there somewhere, sleep in the day , roam til 12 o'clock train , so i didn't see them much. i remember i seen wayne over at the uni around 1992, i was friggin around with them little macintosh box things in computer lab, making a book about nintendo codes. he was walking to the pool there to do some laps. he said hi and that, he said he was doing okay. i never thought i'd see him over there. that's all really. i never really seen him much. the nineties seem hazy. compared to post 2000, i smoked pot a bit then. it's hard to say whether i smoked more in the 70's 80's or 90's. i can say i drunk more in the 80's, but pot ??. i thought wayne was straight clean cut, that's the way i seen it.

28august2014
after his mother died, his old man was on the loose, chasing birds, as if he ever stopped. he ended up buying a brothel in the Philippines, or something. i remember he won some money in the lottery , lottery again. third prize or a large prize, not first. that was in the sixties , when money was something. he went to japan, and was gonna bring back one of those geisha girls, but my grandmother wouldn't have it. he stayed at my grandmothers til he was about 32. so in the nineties he was back and forth to philippines . then, one day he brought back a wife and her five kids. everybody said what the fuck, he's off his rocker. i used to go to my olds for sunday lunch, he turned up with his wife, who was a year or so older than me. he wanted my mother to teach her english. i remember going to my grandmothers for Christmas or some do, around 1993 , and seeing all these asian kids running around the backyard. i seen wayne , and said what's this, he said yeah i know.

31august2014
the events after that point are a bit sketchy , at best. it must have been sometime before august 97. i was up town , i seen some bloke walking down the street, spaced out. then a couple of days i seen him again. then i got close , it was wayne. after talking for a bit, i gave him my address. he came round a few days later. he told me he didn't get along with his step mother, it was either him or her. he lived somewhere i can't remember. he and a mate went to england and amsterdam . he done a bit of travelling. he reckoned his mate flipped out on the drugs and killed his mother , then tried to kill him. i sort of remembered that on the news, but i wasn't really into the local news. he had a flat in some suburb, the guy killed his mother then  came round to the flat to kill him , but he couldn't get in and left. he said he was into the doors, he said his old boy, told him that music goes right through me. the doors seemed to be popular for that generation. on me, he said he remembered my 21st birthday party and a girl i had. i got the photo album out and showed him my party and the girl , and in the photo was wayne, must of been 8 or 9.

1sept2014
 with the before august 97 bit, thats when my grandmother died, so he had to have told me about the doors before then. cause i remember calling him the lizard king then. in reference to his lizard story and jimbo. he came to my place a few times, he was living at the illawarra pub. his brother was stabbed by a stranger there. apparently he was staying there , answered the door and some bloke stabbed him. in one of me and waynes conversations , he said there was some trouble at  nannas. i can't remember exactly, but my grandmother told them not to open the back door, cause the dogs will get out. waynes brother open the door and let the dogs out. she blamed wayne and that's the last time they were there. not long after my grandmothers death is when he got stabbed.

4sept2014
here's the photo of wayne on the back left at my 21st, i been working 2 days in the hot sun and my face is sunburned . the other photo is me late 75 it should go in the 1975 blog, i was only 7 and a half stone, street boy song.

6sept2014
them photos tend to put me off track a bit. they reckon a picture tells a thousand stories. but i think the thousand stories are the time that's in between those photos. wayne? ,if it wasn't for wayne these photos would not be there. so, getting back to 1997, wayne turned up from time to time. people on the gear have this strange attitude to those who aren't. i'd put it this way, they're fucking liars. we talked more about this and that,  he reckoned he was living at the illawarra pub and had a job doing some electrical work out port kembla. on the news was a story about a transformer blowing up, he was working 20 feet away . i'm not to sure about the time. around this time i was bumping into him regularly. i thought this blokes got no life skills. i asked him, didn't his mother tell him any thing. he said she'd tell him when he got older. i didn't see him for some time after that. at a sunday lunch at the olds , i learned his old boy was in hospital, getting some cancers removed. i visited him , after a bit i asked , what's with wayne, he just looked at me. i felt this time was like some kind of karma. the whole time was like some kind of build up. i really felt that .

9sept2014
again i'm not to sure of the time, it was either before or after . he turned up to my place all soaking wet  from the rain . i had the heater on , he just put his wet shoes still on his feet next to the heater. i told him to take his shoes off and let them dry out. i told him he'll get sick if he leaves them on. for some reason he took offense, and took off. i never seen him for quite a while after that. it must of been after 2000. when i did see him , i had been through  my own thing. he'd been to Thailand, he reckon he had a kid over there. he had a tiger tattoo, and was wearing some Buddhist thing on a necklace . a little square clear plastic thing with a picture inside. i told him he was fucked in the head, you've got your own spirit stuff. getting into eastern philosophies would only upset the balance. he just went , yeah yeah.

11sept2014
he ended up having a girl friend, according to a friend,she wasn't that stable, and with a  substance problem, the writing was , not on the the wall but somewhere. they lasted a fair while, long enough to have a kid. a bit sad really. how many like that? i seen them around town over them few years. i think that whole generation has been pretty much decimated by very harsh drugs and poison . i think lots of generations have their tragedies , whether it be war, drugs , drink , disease or whatever. then, one day my mother said wayne was dead. i can't remember now, how i felt at that time. i know i thought , what most teenagers think, they wont live long. i thought if it had been me , they would have had some kind of understanding, but wayne. i think it upset my mother greatly. the guy had the world at his feet, had a trade, traveled the world. and chose the noose. i sort of think he ,just couldn't cope, i don't know.

19sept2014
the funeral was a low key affair, like i said before. the chapel at the hospital . no coffin or body, this puzzled a few people there. it wasn't until some years later, that i found out. if you  suicide then you lose control of your body. so who knows what happened to waynes. as for the spirit, that's a different story. there was this constant wind at a particular spot outside the hospital. my mother said she thought of wayne every time she walked past that windy spot. since i started writing this blog , i walked past the hospital a few times, and noticed that the wind had died down in that spot. maybe this blog has finally buried wayne, R.I.P.