glimpse

30march2015
after doing that nineties blog i needed to put a kink in  between blogs. then came the title, the battle for the soul, though appropriate , didn't really feel right. that was the main reason for the kink, among others.  others being the space in which i'd have to revisit . in actual fact that space hasn't gone anyway it's all relevant, as is the past. it's the strength  of now in which we deal with it. i thought about calling it after the woman that read the book, but that would be a bit of an ego trip on her behalf. like most ideas things come from dreamtime, so that's where the title came from , a dream. i think it fits fine.

1april2015
today was april fools day,  maybe i was being foolish , thinking i could just say a prayer and there wouldn't be any consequence. as things were building up around the place. i can't remember exactly what weird shit happened around the place, but there was a number of strange incidents, as per the usual creepy shit. i'm not quite sure what the initial idea was. even now a lot things have happened, since then say 98 or 99. so i say the prayer , i know somethings gonna happen. i'm gonna push this thing until something does. if not, i'm still gonna know i been through something. a few days later the woman rings up, comes round with a this stuff, the big hippy bag with whatever they believe inside. so i told her there was weird shit happening lately. she seemed undeterred by that. she began reading her belief . it didn't go down to well with what i was about at that time. while she was reading, in my head i was praying. i felt like she was setting me on fire. any other time it probably would have just gone over my head, and just brush it off as bullshit. i think, because i was doing my own thing. there was some kind of reaction.

4april2015
i think we had a smoke, not quite sure about that. i think i just saw that as a setback, as well as the reading stuff. i thought i'd get stoned and start later on the clean up. at the time i thought not a lot  about, the two things , me saying prayers and the woman visiting. there was lust on my part, what's new, excepting she was 10 years older than me. very much the hippy gypsy. after she left , i got some phones calls from her, i should of sussed something out, the power of the pouch, naively blind. after a couple of days the fun really began.

6april2015
so, i woke up ,made coffee and lit up a cig. as soon as i took a drag, i froze . froze? froze like nothing else. the cig just smoldered away in my fingers. after a real struggle i managed to get to my feet. i  looked in the mirror and i saw death. when i say death, i mean spiritless. i thought i'd push the cigs a little too far and long. for some reason i said the prayer , and i started to feel better. i looked in the mirror and seen i was getting back to normal. after a while i lit up another cig, the same thing happened. again i said the prayer and i got normal. i started thinking what the fuck was going on. then i remember the woman reading incident , i thought shes put some kind of spell on me. i was in a state, maybe manic. fell into temptation. don't know. the prayer worked though

7april2015
after thinking for awhile about what was going on, was it some kind of breakdown, maybe the cigs. being a bit of a chain smoker, not that much, but pretty heavy over the years. even without smoking the cigs, the spirit started leaving my body and i'd start to freeze, not cold but motionless . saying the prayer was a life source , it became like a bottle of oxygen. it was weird , even thinking about stuff and the spirit would start leaving. it became smoke a cig , then say the prayer.

8april2015
so there you've had a glimpse. i obviously came good, or i wouldn't be typing this.  good or bad who's to say. all i can say at this point in time, is i came this far, in losing it completely. how far, it doesn't matter, this far, that far. you lost it, you lost it.

6oct2024

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